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Every Evening Comes the Moon

Awakening is not revealed in a nice neat little package. It is a journey into oblivion where ones entire sense of self and conceptual world is completely exposed and burnt up. With no effort at all, a thundering abyss can open up in the centre of our being and magnetically drawn us similar to a black hole opening up in space swallowing everything we have ever identified with. Everything we held dear to ourselves. It is not surprising that the mind can conjure up many clever strategies in avoiding the full brunt of such a cosmic napalm. But a vast freedom can be found in this endless blackness of existence; a luminous freedom can reveal itself in the midst of our own apparent fear, confusion and obsession. This luminosity can emerge through a deep acceptance and surrender to the incinerating abyss and is the clarity and light of who and what we are as human beings. It illuminates everything in existence, from our own lack of clarity and unconscious obsessions to the darker pockets of existence; and even non-ordinary states of existence.  It is an endless fall into a black hole where all of our conscious and unconscious attachments become intensely magnified. Not only do the gritty and shadowy aspects of our own consciousness scream to the surface of awareness demanding our attention and recognition but so to does the cosmic realm; opening one up to the energies at a cosmic level. The demons and idols we have loved and feared all come out to play. Rather than grasp at survival-hood, the invitation is to go all the way, to let go and take the plunge with no expectations and be with whatever arises.

Buddha’s own decent is an intense invitation for us all to find the luminous freedom in the darkness of existence. He realized there was no way around this abyss and had to descend into the depths of the unknown with no life preservers; he stacked his whole life for the mystery of existence to reveal itself. Sitting under the Bodhi tree he surrendered totally. His commitment was so total that he willingly laid his head on the cosmic gelatin and died to all of his personal attachments. He let go and fell freely into the abyss. Fear and desire were burned up in the fire of awareness. Falling further the Gods tried to seduce him with cosmic hard-bodies and repelled hime with ferocious demons. His awareness did not flicker and suddenly everything became radiantly clear and obvious to him. There is no such thing as a separate self. The horror of existence is in believing that one exists in separation. Here, it can feel like one is being hit with an atomic insight that tares the fabric of self-identification instantly illuminating the paradoxical nature of who and what we are. The ineffable presence of who we are. Here, we die living. The feel and taste of this experience is so shockingly familiar because it is what we have always been but have forgotten. It is as if we have dined on the bland buffet of separateness for so long, for so many lives, that we have lost our palate for Eternity and only now realized it. We have lost the flavor of sharing the gift of infiniteness in everyday life. It becomes abundantly clear that we can not return to the world of lies and deceit buying into the world of separation and otherness. No more can we stomach the lies of identification and separateness, seeing through illusion and fixation moment to moment, dying to the death of me and my life while resting in the fathomless black unknown, our true home in the cosmos.

Posted by Brian Theriault at 12:00 AM 0 Comments

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